Feb
18
2009
15

Freida Pinto Is A Bitch

Freida Pinto and her ex-husband?

The blogosphere is buzzing…Freida Pinto, the actress who shot to fame for her role in the movie “Slumdog Millionaire,” was apparently married to her college sweetheart last year (BEFORE she was famous). This is a picture of them together. Now that she is famous, Pinto is dumping his sorry ass in the hopes of snagging Brad Pitt from Angelina Jolie. The poor sap’s name is Rohan Antao. He owns a 7-11 in India. He’s been crying ever since she sent him a telegram (delivered by donkey to his village in India) that she’s filed for divorce. This girl is a real bi-atch. Seriously, she couldn’t wait a little longer to dump his ass? I mean, wait it out like a couple of years…you know, so you don’t give the impression that you’re dumping him because you’re famous now. I mean, even for Bitching Beauty standards, that’s cold. Hey Freida, you know what else is a bitch (I mean, other than you?)? Karma. Karma is a bitch. Isn’t karma an Indian word? Oh, you don’t speak Indian anymore? I should have guessed.

All I can say is what she did was really cold-hearted. I mean, he’s not so bad looking…never mind, he looks like ass…but that’s not the point. The point is this girl is a bitch. And, to tell you the truth, I don’t know why she thinks she’s the shit, anyway…I heard designers don’t like lending her clothes because they all come back smelling like curry chicken.

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Written by bitching beauty in: Asides | Tags:
Feb
17
2009
5

Paparazzi Catch Heidi Montag Immediately After Waking Up

Heidi Montag looks like Chris Crocker

This morning paparazzi broke into the home of Heidi Montag and Spencer (What’s his last name?  Who cares…).  Heidi had just stepped out of bed, so the paparazzi was able to catch her for the first time without make-up and without her Barbie hair extensions…This, folks, is the first time we are seeing the real Heidi Montag.  

Note: Spencer sleeps without his contacts in, so he has no fucking clue that Heidi looks like this.

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Written by bitching beauty in: Celebrity Look-A-Likes | Tags:
Feb
16
2009
3

Bobblehead Lohan

Is Lindsay Lohan anorexic or just a bobblehead?

Lindsay Lohan looks like a Bobblehead dollLindsay Lohan looks like a Bobblehead dollLindsay Lohan needs to eat something quickly, because she’s turning into a fucking Bobblehead doll. I mean, look at her: all that’s left is her huge head. Lohan is all bones and head. She used to be so pretty back in the day. I think this should be a lesson to all the kids out there: Kids, this is what drugs and turning lesbian with a skanky crackhead will do to you.

Just say no to drugs, and just say no to skanky crackhead girlfriends.

And what is up with those hideously unflattering pants she’s wearing in the second photo?

And, just say no to pants that show camel toe.

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Written by bitching beauty in: Celebrity Heads | Tags:
Feb
11
2009
2

Joaquin Phoenix on David Letterman — Stoned?

This has nothing to do with beauty, but did anyone see Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman tonight?  That had to be the strangest, and yet the most entertaining interview I have ever seen.  I was a big fan of Joaquin’s before the interview, but now I’m an even bigger fan.  He’s such a fucking nutcase.  I love it.  Letterman, on the other hand, lost a few points with me.  Letterman threw some cheap shots at Joaquin because he couldn’t handle the curve ball he was thrown.  If I was Joaquin, I would have stuck my gum ON TOP of his desk…not under it.

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Written by bitching beauty in: Asides | Tags:
Feb
11
2009
0

Oh My, How They Grow Up So Fast…With Plastic Surgery

Hilary Duff before plastic surgeryHilary Duff after plastic surgery

I always suspected that Hilary Duff has had work done on her face (and I’m talking about her horse teeth veneers…that’s a completely separate post itself)…I’m talking about the fact that at some point during the past several years her face completely changed.  Her nose has definitely been tinkled with…I mean, check out her pre-nosejob schnoz in this old photo of hers…bulbous with nostril flare galore.  Now, her nose is much more elegant.  There’s also been some speculation on the net that Hilary has also had some kind of facial implant (some claim she’s had cheek implants and some she say she has a chin implant).  I was skeptical, but after finding this photo of her, I’m starting to think there may be some credibility to those rumors.  If I had to guess, I’d put my money on the chin implant, since her whole lower face (chin + jawline) these days is completely different than what it was…it’s much more sculpted now than the roly-poly face she had back in the day.

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Written by bitching beauty in: Celebrity Plastic Surgery,Good Plastic Surgery | Tags:
Feb
09
2009
0

Royal Scandal: Kate Middleton Related To Fire Marshall Bill?

Kate Middleton has no lipsKate Middleton has no lips (and looks like Fire Marshall Bill)The Queen of England has reportedly forbid Prince William from furthering his relationship with longtime girlfriend, Kate Middleton. It has come to light that Kate Middleton is actually the niece of Fire Marshall Bill. The familial tie between Middleton and Fire Marshall Bill has long been suspected, but only now been fully confirmed by an anonymous source close to Middleton. According to the source, Middleton has always been embarrassed of her uncle, because “he’s so bloody ugly.” However, a closer look at recent photographs of both reveals that Middleton actually looks a lot like the uncle she is trying to disown. I’d say the resemblance is uncanny.

If you ask me, Kate Middleton really needs to get some lip augmentation…or she needs to stop smiling in public.

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Written by bitching beauty in: Celebrity Look-A-Likes | Tags:
Feb
07
2009
7

Chloe Sevigny: Lady Looks Like A Dude

Can someone please explain to me why Chloe Sevigny is famous? Can someone also please explain to me why the hell someone ever decided to put her in front of a camera? I mean, my first instinct when I see her is to put an opaque brown paper bag over her head–not whip out a camera. As an actress, what could someone who even looks like that play? A drag queen? Sure. Anything else? Nope. So, if there are any casting directors out there looking to cast the part of a blond transvestite, then Chloe Sevigny’s your man woman man woman man woman.

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Written by bitching beauty in: Celebrity Look-A-Likes | Tags:
Feb
06
2009
0

Angelina Jolie: “Nadya Suleman Is A Copy Cat!”

After seeing The Today Show’s exclusive interview with Nadya Suleman, the Southern California mother (of six children) who gave birth to octuplets (bringing the grand total of her children to 14), Angelina Jolie was fuming. She reportedly broke plates in her kitchen, screaming, “That bitch is a copy cat!”  Jolie has reason to be angry. Nadya Suleman bears an artificially-created resemblance to her, and the fact that she keeps having children to increase her brood only strengthens her pathetic attempt to become Angelina Jolie.
 
For an unemployed woman with 14 children, she sure has a lot of money to spend on plastic surgery. When asked how she was going to finance her plastic surgery addiction with raising 14 kids, Suleman said she had already crunched the numbers, and all she needs to do is feed her kids Ramen Noodles for every meal. She said on Thanksgiving, she may be willing to splurge for the kids and serve Spam, but hasn’t come to a final decision on that yet.

Did you see those lips? Sure you did–you can’t miss them. They’re like huge Italian sausages–especially her bottom lip. She took a photo of Angelina Jolie in to her plastic surgeon’s office and said, “I want to look like this,” but instead came out of the office looking like a scary bitch. Not deterred the least, Suleman proceeded to CVS to buy some hair color to dye her hair à la Lara Croft.

And I don’t even know what to make of her nose job. Looks like the surgeon failed miserably. I’ve heard rhinoplasty is the most difficult surgery to get right…her nose looks terribly artificial…I guess it fits with the rest of her face.

Angelina, Nadya has nothing on you. But, I’d keep an eye on Brad if I were you…last I heard, Suleman was looking to buy some Brad Pitt sperm on ebay.

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Written by bitching beauty in: Celebrity Look-A-Likes | Tags:
Feb
04
2009
1

Anne Hathaway’s Next Film Role: A Human Toothpick

Unless Anne Hathaway is preparing for a film role to play a human toothpick, she needs to eat something stat. She looks way too skinny–like she has some type of eating disorder–and who wears their hair like that to the Oscar Nominees’ Luncheon?  

Anyone also notice how narrow her shoulders are?  I’ve always suspected she doesn’t have broad shoulders, but this photo just confirms my suspicions.  Her hips are wider than her shoulders…Anorexic and still shaped like a pear…that must bite.

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Written by bitching beauty in: Celebrity Weight Watching,Too Skinny | Tags:
Feb
03
2009
1

Kate Winslet’s Hands


Kate Winslet is far from perfect in the beauty department (though her acting skills are damn well perfect). I came across a hi-resolution photo of Kate Winslet’s hands, and I had to post it here in the celebrity body parts section…because, seriously, it’s not everyday that you find a hi-resolution photo of Kate Winslet’s hands! The surprising thing is that I don’t have anything super bitchy to say about her hands…they ain’t veiny, they ain’t “man hands,” and I don’t see any hair growing on her knuckles…I do see something that looks like a wart at the base of the middle finger on her right hand, but it could be just a mole. I’m stumped here…

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Written by bitching beauty in: Celebrity Hands | Tags: