I hate to waste valuable blog space on Heidi Montag, but something about her face really bothers me. Okay, maybe a lot of things about her face bother me… But, seriously, let’s just take a completely objective point of view here: assuming that Heidi Montag wasn’t a huge celebrity douche–looking at her face, I have to say there’s something about it that’s just off. With all the plastic surgery she’s gotten, you’d think it would be perfect, right? Well, apparently, she forgot to have her huge, massive chin shaved down when her doctor put those two melons in place of her breasts. Seriously, her chin is freaking huge. Objectively, the rest of her face isn’t horrible…seriously, objectively, Heidi Montag minus douche-bag personality minus huge-ass chin equals not bad-looking girl. She should get that chin fixed or something–I’m starting to think of Jay Leno every time I see a picture of her. On second thought, maybe she shouldn’t get a chin reduction…I mean, having a big, strong chin can come in handy–like for cracking nuts (a human nutcracker!). I bet she cracks Spencer’s nuts every night.
I saw this picture and I was sure that Renee Zellweger was dating Balki Bartokomous…yeah, you know Balki–remember from the old ABC sitcom “Perfect Strangers”? I guess he has a real name (Bronson Pinchot), but no one really knows him by his real name. Anyhoo, I almost shat my pants when I thought Renee was dating Balki. On closer look, I realized it wasn’t Balki, but rather Dan Abrams–former MSNBC reporter. DAN ABRAMS? Are you kidding me? She goes from Kenny Chesney to Balki Dan Abrams? WTF. Is it just me or is that a HUGE downgrade? If you don’t believe me about the Dan Abrams-Balki resemblance, I challenge you to find which photo below is of Balki. Note: just ignore douchebag Geraldo in the last photo.
Ewwww…Evangeline Lilly’s legs look like the sausage links I had for breakfast yesterday. If I were her, I would not wear a bikini and instead opt for sweatpants…or at least anything that would cover my stubby legs. Look at how short her legs are too! Her legs are as long as her torso. Now, I wouldn’t expect Evangeline Lilly to have mile-long legs like Charlize Theron, but I don’t expect them to look like a breakfast food either. Not sexy–or beautiful–in the least.
I found this photo on socialitelife.com while doing a search on Natalie Portman and Anne Hathaway. Seriously, I googled “prettier Natalie Portman Anne Hathaway,” and I stumbled upon this picture (yeah, so whoever thinks Google is perfect is sadly mistaken). In any case, I thought this photo was freaking hilarious. Camilla Parker Bowles is one nasty, horsey-face man woman. Don’t even ask me what Prince Charles sees in her. I mean, I’ve seen transvestites who look more like a woman than she does. Maybe he has a man-horse fetish…I don’t know. One thing is for sure…that horse is definitely British. Its chompers are indicative of typical British dental care.
What happened to actress Winona Ryder? She used to be so beautiful…well, maybe I’m being generous…but, she was definitely cute/pretty back in the day. Now, she looks like she’s 80 years old. Seriously, she looks like a shriveled up old hag who belongs in a nursing home. Actually, I think I saw her there when I went to visit my grandma. They were playing bridge, and Winona was bragging about when “back in the day” she used to be all that and dated hot rock stars and movie stars. Then she got all lamentful…she said it was all downhill after she got arrested for shoplifting. Now the only man she can get is Hubert, the nursing home bus driver who has grey nose hairs sticking out of his nostrils and whose butt crack shows everytime he bends over to unlock a resident’s wheel chair.
It was sad, I tell you. Sad.